Recently, I have been thinking about the meaning of life, I hope I didn’t. The thing is, going to class, I often wonder why do I bother? Taking these classes, studying, giving my exams. Why does anyone bother? What is it that binds humans to one profession, one person, one kid, one place? Some answers, are very obvious, the way we have been taught about living is so- narrow, you’d think that we would have suffocated by now. The way we see our parents, and our grandparents, and our friends, their parents, our role models. It’s all very ‘singled out’ one-for-one.  But really, if that was the reason we were to live, if our entire existence was supposed to be held in different rooms, all within familial buildings, why is it that I seek the unknown? I have always thought of myself as a rational, logical person. Philosophy is interesting to think about, but implementing ideas so vague, seems like the most illogical, irrational thing to do, yet recently I find myself looking out for trees, and watching the neon signs as I pass them by, to stare at the temple gates and deities for a second too long, to feel- to really see, hear, touch. It doesn’t take alot of effort too, to notice and to be aware, yet the little extra push, the forcing of oneself to acknowledge their surroundings, to be present, is something humanity has forgotten along the way. We have no tyrant but ourselves. We have made moulds and have expected entire species to fit them.

The degradation of the human experience is evident. The ideal life, is no longer one that is satisfied, or happy, it is one which has stability. Does it root from our fear of the unknown?  Or the impoverished way we have learnt to live our lives? In cities as big as New Delhi, it isn’t difficult to find millions, ready to not step out of their comfort zone. To never challenge themselves too hard, to never take a leap of faith. I understand them, I really do. It was very hard for me to click on ‘BA English’ than the glorified, safe, easy- ‘B.Sc’. I defied a mould that day. I defied my own inhibitions about what I should be, I remodelled my destiny. But again, I ask, why did I bother about going to college? Why do I look forward to it? When it is, hopefully, evident that I despise the way our society functions? And college- or rather- institutionalised education is one of the most atrocious thing we have given ourselves? 

I would like to believe it is because of our desire to connect. The biggest leverage we have on other species, the reason why we continue to be at the top of the food chain, is because we have the gift of language, and of empathy.  Other species too, communicate, but the depth of languages and of art that we, as humans, have created is something to admire, each day. We have created a system, a complex symphony of small symbols, that tell how we feel, see, listen. The ability to give these words- sounds, and to add even further complexities to differentiate in their pronunciations, to add even smaller symbols to know how to speak a mixture of these words; the creativity, this is what makes us humans. Then why do we stick to the same old regular jobs? The same old places we grew up in? What are we so afraid of? 

Failure. I’ve talked about failure before, and I still, ardently believe that failure is an event, not an adjective. The reason why humans, despite having the skills, and knowing that they have the resources, fail to act boldly is due to their fear of failure. Fear in itself is binding, and failure is incapacitating. Together, they are bound to doom our growth. Some 150 years ago, most monarchy’s came to an end, capitalisation was on the surge and independent choices were encouraged. A new era- I suppose- of humanity had ascended. One where we were less afraid to try simply because it was the trend, slowly turning familial. People who took risks at the time, are now, surely, dead. But their families are enjoying the fruit of their labour. I am sure they too, lived lavish lives . Others which were too afraid, I am sure, remained so. Incapacitated by their own minds. 

And I understand the need for comfort. What are we if not beings of togetherness. The highest form of punishment to a human is not starvation, or lack of access to water. It is isolation. We are beings of society, and asking even the most illiterate of humans, you’d know that staying alone, causes ‘madness’. So I understand the need to be in familial surroundings. To not change, to fear having to be alone, in a place you’ve never been in, with a person you’ve never been with, to do a job you’ve never done;  even if that same comfort, is causing you more pain than peace. 

Why am I doing this, a tangential question from the problem I set out to resolve. Why am I applying to colleges, eager to be in a different place, to meet people I’ve never met before, to study subjects I’ve probably never studied before. Why? The answer is more simple than my philosophical takes on human civilisation. With living the way my parents, my cousins, my uncles, my role models have lived before, I hope to find hope. Hope to live a life that no one forgets, to impact people. To defend my humanity, to do something that couldn’t have been done by anyone else. To make decisions that inspire other people to do what their heart says, in a system that works mostly on brains. To have the final freedom. Freedom to see, to hear, to touch and feel. To live in places I’ve never lived in before. The world is such a small place, we think too largely of. I hope, that by doing what I am, I can achieve something memorable. Obviously, I mould to the pathways set 150 years ago. Life has made me cautious of risking too recklessly, but I know that if I give my progeny the freedom that I lacked, the resources I lacked, I could, at the very least, know that I am doing all of this, for my people, for hope.

Bye snakers!