I have issues. Like every other human being I have issues. Some internal and some born out of external stimuli that I had or have no control over, and yes sometimes it feels like it’s my fault, in many cases it might as well be. But the thing is, I don’t have to blame myself over and over again, especially for other people and their actions. Now where am I going with this? I’ll let you in on a secret and then we will go from there.

Life is not perfect. No person that you know is perfect. No relationship is, no family, no friends, nobody’s life is perfect. And honestly, it’s time we as a society let that sink in and actually believe in it. Photos lie, people lie. That might be for various reasons, face saving, protecting yourself from societies remarks or any other reason, but to assume that if someone looks happy, they are; is wrong. Sometimes, people reach out but to the wrong people and then, it is too late to help. So many people stay in relationships they hate, just because of reasons they can’t explain, or are waiting for the right time to leave. And to judge them based on half truths is wrong.

Now what does that have to do with me? Lets just say, my life is not perfect either. I wanted it to be that, I really wanted it to be like the girls I see online, but the realisation came not so long ago, that their life had to be really messed up too. When I was younger, I wanted the girls that I look up to, to loose what they had. To have a life like mine. Problems like mine, because in my naive conceited mind, they didn’t seem to have any problems, problems like mine. But as I was scrolling through the internet one day, I came across this saying which went something around the lines of “Would it make you happy if they lost everything?” and that was when I realised, ‘Well, No-‘ and my perception, the very narrow minded perception I had, changed. Jealousy is an emotion we all know very well, but we don’t discuss it enough, it’s natural but we as a society have constructed this idea that those emotions are wrong, but the fact of the matter is, it isn’t. How can something that every human feels be wrong to talk about?

It’s about time, we talk about how our warped idea of a family, of relationships and of people affects us as a society. Heres a poem about, well its for you to interpret.

Gambles.

Sitting at the desk 
Trying to complete your math homework
You sit
You cry 
You don’t understand
But you try 
Its been a good 2 hours
Suddenly your dad comes to you 
Roaring with laughter
Happy 
Jackpot 
Win 
He won money
We can be rich
But dad, why?
Doesn’t matter 
He screams
Whistles
Intoxicated
You cry 
Of fear
Of anger
Of him 
Hours pass by 
Its dinner time
He isn’t here
Must be by the living room?
He had his phone
Might be earning money? 
Everyones asleep 
Its 4am 
You are awake
Hyperaware
Confused
You hear muffled cries
You go into the living room 
You gasp 
Unfathomable
He’s on the floor
Crying
Screaming
Muffled screams
Weak 
Stupid
What happened dad?
He won’t answer
You sit beside him 
Water? 
Food?
That might help 
You are scared
He never cries
Last time you saw him cry 
His mother died
What happened?
We lost it 
I lost it all 
What? What dad? 
Its all gone
A lot of it
Im gonna loose everything
Dad you need to stop 
You go the bathroom and 
close the door
You cry 
Disheveled
Hysterical
Useless
Unstable
Pathetic.
You wake up 
But can’t think of anything else
The amount is not enough to 
Make you homeless
Or kill you of hunger
You realise
Exactly how fragile
Reality is 
You can’t trust
You can’t love
You can’t be sure
You stay awake
Afraid to sleep 
Because you dream of 
Hunger 
Starvation 
You live each day in the fear
of loosing everything
Tired 
Stupid
The only thing that 
keeps you going
Is the fact that 
you have time
To leave him behind 
To start a better life
Without fear
Without cries
Farfetched 
But not impossible
You try 
But its too late
You never had time
Its over
Its all gone
You lost
You were never enough
Family is mere blood
Dishonest
Weak
Screams 
Muffled failure
It’s done.

So, a pretty dark poem, as I said, it’s up for interpretation. Snakers, this blog is turning darker by the minute and you should be here for it.

See ya later!