I hate sleeping. For whatever god awful reasons that might be, I hate sleeping. I usually try going to sleep when I am absolutely tired and cannot keep my eyes open anymore, but oh well, that might just be me. Now, here’s the fun part, when I am trying to tire myself, to try to get myself to sleep, I write. Or read, but I might as well write, and that process usually starts in the early mornings, around 3 am, but please don’t tell my doctors they might freak out because this happens, a lot-

So, what did I do of my poems? I kept them in a folder on my notes app, locked. No one usually sees them, not my family, friends, anyone. But a couple weeks ago, I said, and I quote, “F***k it” and decided to post them online and show them to my friends. Honestly I didn’t expect to get any positive reviews but I was sort of surprised because, maybe, people liked them? Or they might just be saying positive sh*t because its easier to lie.

Anyways, here are some of my poems that I wrote late at night and seem presentable to me. And if you don’t have anything constructive to say, please just- don’t say it. And try to learn the difference between “This sucks” and “This would be better if you replaced this word with this word, maybe?”

Also, y’all know how I’m like claustrophobic? Yeah keep that in mind for the first poem, maybe~

Afraid

i’m afraid of the dark
hold me close or i will shatter
the walls are too thin
too thick
too close
too far away
closing in
i can’t breath
but i can’t stop
it’s over
i’m fine
i’ll live another day in the fear of collapsing 
i’m fine. 

Death

death is the only constant 
that nags the living 
the only factor
that tames 
even the most horrendous of beasts
but what if there were no repercussions 
of actions too gruesome?
of actions too kind?
of actions too black?
too white?
would there exist a grey?
a space to just
live?

Loneliness

being alone and lonely 
are two completely different things
but which one is easier?
which one hurts less? 
to know that there are people out there
cherishing and loving you
yet you cannot love them back because you are scared
or to know that the day you are gone
the only cries will be from the sky above?

Feelings

you spent your days
your nights
your tears and life
trying to make someone
happy and feel cherished 
but then one day
you feel 
off
they don’t like you
don’t love you
don’t wanna see you
and then you stay up
at night
wondering, contemplating 
where did it all go wrong?
what did i do?
was it my laugh?
my giggles?
my body?
my tears?
and now it’s 3
you can’t sleep
so you cry
sob
pathetic.
hysterical.
useless.
unloveable.

I swear I write happy poems too, sometimes,

occasionally,

like once a month,

ok once every 3 months,

yeah that’s a good estimate.

Kindness

it’s 8 am
you are in school
your 7 year old self
sitting alone
watching
observing
the teacher comes in
and writes on the board
in bright bold letters
‘if you are kind to others
others will be kind to you’
you sit at your table
watching
learning. 
you are 25 and life hasn’t been easy
you cry yourself to sleep
you sob
delusional. 
kindness never got you anything 
you tried
you were kind
but that doesn’t matter now, does it?
your everything 
was abused. 
yet you chose to be 
polite 
petite 
pathetic. 

Ok kids, that’s a wrap. I am done and this is good enough for today. I have WAY MORE poems and I’ll share them but I’ll milk them out as much as humanely possible. Because I love quantity not quality as you can very well see~

Bye, snakers. yes, you, reading my poems, you are a snaker.

fight me.